- Quiet Marius, I’m thinking of a plan to get out.
- No. No more plan. I’m too young to die.
- Marius -
- And I’m way too young to be in the same room than R and Enjolras having the sex.
- For God’s sake Pontmercy !
I need to read this this instant.
Someone please write this, or link me to where it is written. I NEED.
Did someone say something about making a fic out of this?
Marius knew, somehow, that allowing Courfeyrac to organise a game of hide and seek was going to end up terribly. Everyone else probably knew as well, but the voices of reason – Enjolras and Combeferre – were too busy with whatever they were doing to stop the madness. Idiocy or not, Marius found himself standing in the middle of the hall in the shared apartment (the poor landlord, the apartment had seen much too many Les Amis meetings), looking around wildly for a place to hide.
The closet down the hall wouldn’t work; it was tiny and filled with blankets and sheets and whatever else their friends felt like hiding in it.
The kitchen across the flat wouldn’t work either; that’s where Joly was counting (probably with Bossuet).
The only room left besides the guest room was the bathroom, but Marius was ninety percent sure Bahorel had hidden in there, and Bahorel was infamously vicious about hide and seek.
Marius heard Joly in kitchen counting, about forty seconds away from when he’s start searching. Before he could panic, a whisper came from a suspicious place in the guest room.
“Marius!” Marius turned around. Courfeyrac’s head was sticking out from under the bed. “Marius, unless you want your ass to get caught, get under here right now!”
Not about to protest a perfect hiding spot, Marius ran into the room, shut the door behind him, and allowed Courfeyrac to yank him under the bed.
Ten minutes into the searching, and Marius was beginning to regret it. Courfeyrac, though considerate for allowing him to hide under the bed, was a bit too fond of cologne and Marius was fairly certain that if he didn’t get out soon, he’d smell like Old Spice for the rest of his life.
“Are you sure we can’t go somewhere else?” Marius hissed.
Courfeyrac, lying on his back next to him, rolled his eyes. “No. Didn’t anyone ever teach you how to play this game? Pontmercy, you are sad. If you have a good place to hide in hide and seek, you do not move. You just don’t.”
Marius’ voice shifted a little louder. “I know how to play hide and seek, Courf – !”
Footsteps sounded outside the room. Courfeyrac jolted, turned on his side and covered Marius’ mouth with his hand. “Pontmercy, if you make any noise, I swear to god I’ll steal your phone and text Cosette something awful.”
Marius knew he was kidding – he could practically hear the grin Courfeyrac was certainly wearing – but he shut up anyway. The footsteps got closer. It sounded like two people, likely Joly and Bossuet. Marius relaxed. There were worse things that being caught, namely spending another ten minutes in a cramped space with Courfeyrac the walking cologne commercial.
Said human product placement held his hand tighter over Marius’ mouth as the door swung open. As soon as they caught sight of the shoes worn by the seekers, they knew it definitely wasn’t Joly and Bossuet, it definitely wasn’t a stroke of luck, and both of them were definitely fucked.
“Oh. Shit.” Courfeyrac whispered, taking his hand off Marius mouth. Both stared at the shoes traipsing through the room – Enjolras’ red Converse, and Grantaire’s grey ones.
Marius still held onto a shred of hope that maybe they actually were searching, maybe they actually did get caught and were helping Joly, maybe they weren’t about to do what he thought they were going to – fuck.
The mattress’ springs squeaked in protest as Grantaire sat down, and threatened to break and crush the two hiding under the bed as Enjolras – Jesus Christ, was Enjolras sitting in Grantaire’s lap?
There was the sound of soft voices, a jacket being taken off, and the sound of Enjolras kissing Grantaire soundly on the mouth. Under the bed, Marius was thoroughly freaking out. First he tried to scramble out from under the bed, an attempt thwarted by Courfeyrac grabbing his waist and keeping him stuck. Then he tried to say something to the lovebirds on top of the bed, Courfeyrac this time covering his mouth with his hand.
“Quiet Marius, I’m thinking of a plan to get out.”
“No. No more plan. I’m too young to die.”
“And I’m way too young to be in the same room than R and Enjolras having the sex!”
“For God’s sake, Pontmercy!”
At that point, there were more clothes on the floor and some truly undignified noises coming from their stoic leader.
“Let me get my phone!”
“What’s that going to do?”
“I’ll text Cosette!”
“You are a human disaster, Pontmercy!” Despite the comment, Courfeyrac loosened his grip on Marius and let him grab at his pocket for his phone. In the cramped quarters, Marius composed an almost unintelligible text to Cosette; something along the lines of “e and r sex guest room help me”.
“Well? Is Cosette going to be our savior?” Courfeyrac hissed.
“It’s your turn to shut the hell up, Courf!”
A minute later. Enjolras was definitely almost naked now, and Grantaire sounded like a rookie porn star on his first job. Still no Cosette.
Two minutes later. Marius’ face was redder than the Converse tossed across the room, and even Courfeyrac was getting a bit flustered. Still no anyone.
Three minutes later. At this point, the straight-laced leader and the alcoholic artist were worthy of their own awkward Fifty-Shades scene. Still no one to save Marius and Courfeyrac.
Four minutes later. The two under the bed were never, ever going to live down the experience of being stuck under the bed on which their friends were having sex.
Seconds after Grantaire said Enjolras’ name like a very sexy prayer, the door swung open. Cosette’s shoes stood proudly in the doorway and her voice sounded throughout the room. “So I heard something about someone having ‘the sex’-”
She stopped talking suddenly. Enjolras and Grantaire stopped moving suddenly. Marius was pretty sure he stopped breathing suddenly.
A moment passed. Cosette slowly backed out of the room, shutting her eyes as tight as she could. “Uh – um. Wow. Okay, that’s really – you know what, I’m not getting involved. Marius, Courf, you are on your own!”
She bolted out of the room. Courfeyrac and Marius froze for a moment, before shouting and jostling each other in the rush to get out from under that awful bed. Still shouting, they ran out into the hallway gasping and nearly gagging at the sight they just witnessed.
From inside the room, Grantaire shouted something that was definitely profane and Grantaire’s entire body was burning with embarrassment.
Marius was never going to play hide and seek with Courfeyrac ever again.
This is the first time someone writes about something I drew, thank you again I love it.